Hands

Leathery as elephant hide. Dark as cacao. Chapped, tired, aching.

Not hands that can take a mental health day, that can rest when sickness or injury interferes.  Not hands that hold onto the certainty of a bank account, a retirement plan, health insurance, the promise of rest without the loss of income.

Dutiful as servants, they must respond daily to the command of an unrelenting master--hunger, the most basic necessity to survival.

What work have my hands been given to do?

I have been given the gift to heal. It has been my joy and pleasure to help people find balance in mind and body with my hands.  That has been my career.

But my vocation is to love, and in that regard I find that my hands quite often play the lazy servant.  They feel entitled to days off, massages, hand lotion, play.

They are greedy, little things, too! They don't believe it's worth the while if they are not getting paid to do something.

They are also amazingly vain.  They refuse to scrub toilets, for instance.  They are appalled by making beds, washing dishes, and folding clothes.  They are not impressed by the argument that even humble labor has value and meaning.

I find that volunteer work is a good remedy for my selfish hands.  I may not be able to reach across the world to ease the suffering of my starving brother or sister, but I can drive to the hospital and use my hands to provide comfort and reassurance to cancer patients.

I can walk across the street to hang out with my new L'Arche friends.

I can cook meals for my friend who just came home from the hospital.

Do I receive just compensation?

I have no idea if I am receiving just compensation.  It's a mystery to me.  I can make in an hour what some people make in a year.  On the other hand, I've been told I under-charge for my services.  And I know right now, I'm struggling.  My business is foundering and we are using our savings to survive.  So just or unjust, my compensation is not enough.

But just compensation isn't just about money.  It's about living a meaningful life. It's about finding satisfaction and joy in using my talents, about providing a service that reminds me I'm sharing in God's work of creation and redemption.

In that regard, I am wealthy beyond my wildest dreams.  Because there is not one thing I can do in a single day that doesn't have the possibility of yielding good for another--whether it's helping a client or thrilling my husband with a clean toilet.

As a consumer, how do I shop with awareness?

Well, here's my favorite helpful hint:  Kill Your Television.  And not just your TV.  Your commercial radio stations, and your Facebook page.  In other words, to the best of your ability, limit your exposure to advertising.  Frankly, that is one of the major ways I shop with awareness--by not shopping.

That, and we buy all our clothes at Good Will.  It's not exactly the same as shopping for clothes that aren't made in sweat shops, but at least I'm limiting my own personal demand for new products.

Finally, when I'm grocery shopping, I look for fair trade options.  There aren't many, but it's a joy to buy fair trade when I can.

How can I support the efforts of fair trade?

The most obvious way to support fair trade is to buy fair trade.  I just found a website--FairtradeAmerica.org--that provides a long list of fair trade products. It's easy enough to print out, and refreshingly broad in scope!  You can find fair trade products anywhere from Aldi's to Whole Foods.

It also has suggestions for other ways to get involved.  For instance, I can help campaign for better terms of trade or to raise awareness.  As individuals, it's very easy to use social media to post stories and information about fair trade.  But maybe you want to get your community involved in a fair trade project.  This website can provide the resources.

As for me, I think I'm going to be more conscientious about buying fair trade groceries when I can.  I may be limited to avocados, bananas, chocolate, wine and coffee.  But, hey, that sounds good to me!

Why not listen to this song as you reflect on your answers to these questions?

It only takes ONE voice to change the world ... will it be mine?

"So often in our world ...
"The least of our brothers and sisters
"Have become the faceless and voiceless ...
"People who are forced to walk the path alone ...
"Carrying with them ...
"The burdens of injustice.
"Knowing only a world of limited resources ...
"As limiting as the air she breathes ...
"Can anyone hear her plea?
"She can no longer be faceless and voiceless ...
"I can no longer be faceless and voiceless ...
"How am I called to share the journey with others?
"It only takes ONE voice to change the world ...
"Whose voice will it be... Will it be my voice?"

"Speak out for those who have no voice." Proverbs 31:8

Limited resources. I complain about waiting too long in traffic, about slow Internet, about a furnace that doesn't keep me toasty warm all the time. I complain about not having time to finish catching laundry up or about poor customer service. There's no end to ways we complain.

Yet some of our sisters must walk miles just to get water for the day. Some of our brothers live in huts with dirt floors. Many of our brethren don't have more than one or two sets of clothing to worry about washing. They have no motor cars, no traffic jams or customer service complaints. No one serves their needs. No one even knows they exist, except in the abstract.

Interesting that I got this first reflection, about voices. I am not really a complaining sort of person, most of the time, and much of my career has been spent giving voice to those who seek it. Yet now I sit during this first week of Lent and ponder:

What burdens do I carry?
Perhaps the burden of feeling entitled ... to good customer service, to smooth roads with few obstacles, to comfort and convenience. After all, I am paying for those things, yes? Yet this sense of feeling entitled is a burden.

Recent industry changes in my career field caused me a good deal of stress and worry recently (also burdens). I had to consider the possibility that I might be unemployed, looking for work, even work in a different field. Almost certainly work in a different field. It was unsettling. I came to realize how much of my own sense of identity is wrapped up in my job, my work.

Who would I be without it? Would anyone care what happened to me anymore if I wasn't writing columns, soliciting commentaries, helping to give a voice to others, yes, but also giving me my own sense of value in my community.

What within me is faceless and voiceless?
Like those who live in Third World countries? Faceless and voiceless? What value do I bring to my community, if not that function of helping others to find their own voices? I would have more time to volunteer if I didn't work. That's a good kind of facelessness. Just giving to others. I could crochet more scarves for kids. More baby blankets, more lap blankets, more hats and gloves. I could keep my house a lot cleaner if I had more time. If I was faceless and voiceless. If we could pay for it, that is.

What do I need to embrace in my life to help give voice to others?
I can't travel to Third World countries. That costs money. But if I could pare down my own spending, cut away the excess, empty my house to some degree and in the process, empty my own being to some degree, maybe it would be possible. Maybe.

Yet maybe, by doing my job, simply by doing what I get paid to do, I am in my own way giving voice to others. Maybe in time, there will be an opportunity to extend that same voice to others who truly live in poverty, in need.

How can I speak with ONE voice of justice on behalf of all people?
Well, sometimes a voice doesn't have to involve sound waves. Justice is a complex concept. Fairness, equity, at least an equal playing field.

But it hurts to look at pictures of people whose lives are so difficult compared to my own. But how to make my own sacrifices somehow relevant to them? There's something to think about.

Sometimes actions are louder than words. Not everyone can get up and travel around the world to help others, but we can make our sacrifices count -- not just during Lent, but all year long -- if we can direct our efforts toward giving to agencies and organizations that can help.

And we can do things in our own communities. I coordinate an effort to gather handmade scarves that are given to young children whose parents seek help at a local ministry. I support a very informal effort by some friends to collect food and clothing to distribute directly to the homeless in our own community. I support other similar efforts.

It's never enough, but it's a start. If everyone could make a couple of small sacrifices, give up just one luxury or vice and give the savings to a community charity, the collective effort could make a huge difference for those in need right here in our own communities.

That's a loud voice in support of justice.

It's Lent again!

Lent 2015 has arrived. Rose and I will be writing about a prayer walk that was assembled by Catholic Relief Services: One on the Journey: A Solidarity Prayer Walk. It focuses on issues of social justice and asks us each to look for ways we can make very small sacrifices that might make life more bearable for others who live in unimaginable circumstances to most of us in developed countries.

I think we are using this information in a way that is entirely compatible with the intended use of the booklet.

It begins thus:
Live your life in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that, whether I come and see or am absent and hear about you, I will know that you are standing firm in ONE spirit, striving side by side with ONE mind for the faith of the gospel. *(Philippians 1:27) ... We have come to believe and know that you are the Holy ONE of God. *(John 6:69) ... There is ONE body and ONE spirit, just as you were called to the ONE hope of your calling *(Ephesians 4:4) ... Because there is ONE bread, we who are many are ONE body, for we all partake of the ONE bread *(I Corinthians 10:17) ... constantly praying with joy in every ONE of my prayers *(Philippians 1:4) ... Jesus said, "I am He, the ONE who is speaking to you" *(John 4:26) ... The voice of the ONE crying out in the wilderness: Prepare the way of the Lord, make the paths straight *(Matthew 3:3) ... As it is, there are many members, yet ONE body *(I Corinthians 12:20) ... So we, who are many, are ONE body in Christ and individually we are members ONE of another *(Romans 12:5) ... The Father and I are ONE *(John 10:30) ... The glory that you have given me I have given them, so they may be ONE, as we are all ONE *(John 17:22) ... ONE Lord

**This will be a virtual prayer walk. Last year, our liturgy director set up an actual prayer walk in our sanctuary, with displays and opportunities to stop and meditate, reflect and pray after each one. But this will be about reflection and prayer based on the images. We will offer you our thoughts on the Scripture, information and questions for each station, and we will cover two stations each week throughout Lent to complete the journey in time for Holy Week.

I will post on Tuesdays and Rose on Fridays. May you have a blessed and productive Lent 2015!

Between Then and Now

Lent will be over in ten days.  My Lenten sacrifice has been twofold:

• One, finding the time to write two blogs a week in which I entered into self examination and self reflection regarding eight different topics.  Let's see if I can remember them from heart.  Negative thinking, criticism, procrastination, fear of success, fear of failure.  Well, five out of eight isn't too bad.  Upon a little research, I discover the other three to be negative self-talk, people pleasing, and self-doubt.

• Two, living with the fact that very few people will ever read my blogs.  A trial sore to the ego.

Which reminds me of a story, a true story at that, and also a short one.  One morning, when I was sixteen, I woke up from a dead sleep and burst into tears.  Just burst into tears. I was not rocked by a dream, or some dread worry facing me that day.  I was rocked by a notion.  That notion was the possibility I may not live forever.  

It wasn't long afterwards that I made a life-changing commitment to Jesus Christ, one night under a starry sky while sitting in a parking lot just a few blocks from the Atlantic Ocean.  In an instant it was as if my heart broke open and the entire ocean rushed in, washing away completely any doubt I would not only live forever, but in a sea of joy, love, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and everlasting divine adventure.  

I was seventeen and seven days.  A week later, I left for college, sailing off into an unknown future that was full of hope.  My faith was so absolute, so strong, so pure, so certain.  I knew that I knew that I knew that I knew Jesus Christ, Son of God, was risen from the dead, and was now risen in me.  No doubt.  Not then, not now.  

Not that I haven't doubted God in between now and then, or been unfaithful to my commitment.  In fact, over the years, I have prayed to many gods.  But only One has answered.  That is why I observe Lent.  My goal is not to indulge my need for perfection, but to enlarge my heart.  Not that I'll ever be able to contain the entire ocean.  But I plan on spending an eternity trying.

Pax et Bonum,
Rose

What does it all mean?

As Lent 2014 comes to an end and the joy of Easter approaches, our journey has led us to reflect on some of our weaknesses and habits that would be better left behind.

Fear, denial and avoidance are never productive, even when it might seem that way. When we fear failure, or success, we sabotage our own dreams and efforts. When we procrastinate, we put off the inevitable, and prevent ourselves from putting our best effort forward in the rush to just get it done at the last minute. When we please people at the expense of pleasing God, we have gotten off track. Criticizing others is a lame attempt to dispel self-doubt, and negative self-talk convinces us to aim low.

As the apostles were drawn unwittingly into the drama of Christ's passion and crucifixion, they had their moments of self-doubt, of criticizing one another and, at times, themselves. They experienced fear, they denied Christ himself, they got off track and tried to please themselves or make themselves look better in the eyes of humans, forgetting the radical lessons Jesus had taught them in their 3-year journey together.

What did Jesus do? He loved them all anyway. He gently (most of the time) steered them back where they needed to be. He offered them glimpses of his own glory, and God on occasion made the relationship between himself and his son manifest for all who had eyes to see.

He sent his disciples off to preach, telling them not to take anything at all with them, to shake off the dust of places where they were not accepted and keep going. He told them it was OK to accept what they were offered by the people they ministered to, that they were deserving, but also that they should accept what came their way.

Jesus often told his followers not to be afraid, that he would be with them until the end.

Lent is, in my opinion, the most beautiful of liturgical seasons, because of its simplicity, its severity even, but also because it takes us back to basics, to be humble of heart and to reflect on our lives, our actions, our words and on how our actions and words affect those around us. In one more week, we will celebrate Palm Sunday and then, ready or not, be flung headlong into Holy Week, when we will, in our own way, enter into the passion of Christ ourselves before celebrating the joy of Easter, of resurrection and new life.

Without our own journey into the desert of Lent, the joy of Easter would be lost in the busy-ness of everyday life.

Lent reminds us to think of others, to know that as special as we may be, we are given what we have to share with others, and the greatest riches are found in learning to be poor in spirit and to serve one another as members of a community of faith, to reach out and touch one another as we are able.

May the peace of Christ be with you.

Who do you try to please?

Are you a people pleaser? What does that mean, anyhow?

Perhaps it's someone who, as they say, "sucks up to the boss." That someone is surely trying to please people, as long as those people have authority of some sort over them.

Do you respect such people? Do you even trust someone who does that?

Perhaps a people pleaser is a "yes man." This is someone who goes along to get along, who always agrees just to be agreeable. Do you know someone like this? Do you ever wonder if he or she has any original thoughts or opinions of his or her own?

Do you respect such a person? Do you trust him? Does her word mean anything at all?

Or maybe a people pleaser is someone who is so insecure, she will go along with whatever you suggest, just so you will like her. Maybe there's no ill will there, just a lack of self worth.

Do you feel sorry for him, or do you blow him off?

What's really wrong with being a people pleaser?

Maybe not much, until you inevitably come face to face with a situation where you must make a choice.

Do I lie and say I'm really happy that he got the job I was hoping to land for myself? Or am I honest about it and say I don't want to talk about it?

Do I help cover up my coworker's dishonesty, do I keep quiet about it until asked, or do I tell my supervisor about it as soon as I find out? In one case, I'm loyal to my coworker but dishonest to the boss; in the other, I lie by omission and in the third, I do what seems to be the most honest thing by letting the boss know? Or am I letting the boss know to please him and make myself look better in his eyes.

The first of the 10 Commandments tells us to love God more than any human being and more than any other thing at all, for that matter. The second tells us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. The rest of them clarify how we are to treat one another: Don't lie, don't steal, don't want what belongs to someone else, honor your parents, don't commit adultery, don't gossip about anyone.

But if you think about it, loving God is the only real commandment there is. That's because it's impossible to love at all without God. You can try to own another person, or you can try to control someone else, or allow yourself to be controlled by someone else, you can be infatuated with someone else in a superficial way.

But it's impossible to love anyone in a truly unconditional way without God, because God IS love. And if you understand that, and you love yourself and others the way God does, the way he has tried to teach us to do, then the rest of it just falls into place. You don't have to worry about pleasing people, because you are pleasing God. And God wants us to treat each other well, with respect and honesty, with caring and in a way that allows us to live with dignity.

When our lives are pleasing to God, the people pleasing comes naturally, and we don't have to think about it or be motivated by that. Instead, we are motivated by a genuine concern for others and their well-being.

And those around us, our family, friends and neighbors, can sense that.

In I Corinthians, Chapter 13, St. Paul tells us:
Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, not pompous, not inflated.
It is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury.
It does not rejoice over wrongdoing, but rejoices with truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.

People pleasing is none of those things. It isn't patient, but seeks instant gratification; it may appear kind, but only when rewarded; people pleasers may be quite jealous when spurned; people pleasers can be entirely pompous and self-righteous, with an inflated ego.
People pleasing can be rude and always seeks its own interests. People pleasers can be quick-tempered and hold grudges for a very long time if they do not get what they want.
People pleasers may rejoice in wrongdoing if they see an advantage for themselves in it, and may not rejoice in truth if it doesn't further their personal agendas.
People pleasers may be meek victims seeking self-worth in all the wrong places or arrogant people with inflated egos, but they do not believe all things or bear all things, they may hope for the wrong things and are not likely to endure all things.
And they always fail in the end to get what they are seeking, because they are looking in the wrong places.

You will never please all people, but if you can live your life and conduct your relationships with others in ways that are pleasing to God, you will find peace of mind and experience love in ways you cannot imagine.

And in the process, you may find yourself often pleasing others as you show a genuine interest in them, their lives and their well-being.

Who will you seek to please in your life?

Wildly Successful

A few weeks ago, I wrote that I am starting a new business.   I am a representative for Orenda International, a world class line of supplements and super foods.  I want to be wildly successful at it.    I'm not yet, I suppose, but it feels wild to me that I am succeeding at all.  What's even wilder to me is that I think I can be wildly successful.  I mean, I really think I can make it BIG in this business.

I am using the products, and finding a whole new lease on life--more energy, better sleep, balanced mood, weight loss, greater resilience in the face of stress, clearing up of several toxin-related problems in my body.  As I sell the products, I am also finding more financial success.  Granted, I'm still basically at the "Hey!  I can pay for my personal products!" stage.  But even that seems wild to me.  It seems wild I should be knocking on the Door of Life at this late stage, and it is easing open with hardly any resistance.

I haven't always felt I could be a wildly successful person.  I have always felt I've underachieved, that I'm oozing with raw talent in the area of energy medicine and other holistic modalities.  But my business has never seemed to take off in the way I pictured it would, given the amount of talent, training and experience I have.  There's a reason for that. A reason, frankly, that has nothing to do with fear of failure or fear of success.  It's because I've never oozed with good business sense, or a love of marketing, or a knack for networking.  I've oozed with dread, as a matter of fact, at the thought of engaging in any of those practices.  But, I had bills to pay and a business as a psychotherapist and energy medicine practitioner to run, so I've muddled along as best as I can for over 20 years, hoping to prosper on a shoe-string budget and limited knowledge.  So, when I started a new business at 57 years of age, I didn't think I'd be any better at running a new business.

But surprisingly, I am better at this than I thought.  Here I am, tap-tap-tappng, and the Door is swinging open.  How is that possible?  Maybe I've learned more over the years than I realized, and being able to apply it to a fresh business venture is helping me to see it.

Maybe I've learned, for instance, that growing a business means growing yourself as a human being.  It means confronting parts of yourself that are afraid to stretch and try new things. If "push the envelope" means expanding the definition, categorization, dimensions, or perimeters of something, maybe I've learned to expanded the definition of who I am to include more than I thought I could be.

Maybe I've learned starting a new business means being willing to throw your life into a certain amount of chaos.  Life is going to be topsy turvy, especially if you need to start it as I did--while still running another business, a household, a marriage, a life--and attempting to make all this happen in the occasional odd hours. If I'm not willing to tolerate chaos on the way to a new normal, then maybe I won't succeed.

Maybe I've learned succeeding in a new business means I need to stare down the core fear that has probably stopped me from being successful in more ways than one.  The Psalmist wrote, "Hear, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear:  forget your people and your father's house, and the king will desire your beauty." (Ps. 45: 10-11)  So what if a talented but terribly insecure woman who happens to be my mother was jealous of me?  So what if winning at what I love to do means losing her love for me?

There are worse things.  Maybe that's what I've learned.

Pax et Bonum,
Rose