How will your key relationships improve if they are free from judgement?
In order to answer this question well, I think it's important to talk about the difference between judgement and discernment. Judgement says, "Your behavior is bad, and therefore you are unlovable (by me)." Discernment says, "Because your behavior is bad, I have to set appropriate limits. But I still love you."
Discernment is very important to me. In fact, it's a survival skill. Without it, I have made very bad choices in my life that have wasted a lot of precious time. With it, I've avoided everything from letting that extra cookie ruining my figure to scam artists ruining my credit.
Finding the fine line between discernment and judgement is like maintaining Tree Pose. If I focus on a point straight in front of me, I can stand for quite awhile. But, if my gaze strays just a bit, I will lose my balance and topple.
In the same way, when my discernment is clear, I'm free from feelings of frustration, hurt and lack of forgiveness. I can go about my life, clear on what I will or won't let other people do to me. At the same time, I am able to maintain feelings of compassion, or at least neutrality, towards the person I feel is doing me or someone else harm.
I am free to act in ways that may change the situation, as well. That could be anything as subtle as a prayer for another who has harmed me, or as overt as joining in a public protest against wrongdoing.
But if my gaze strays to how he hurt me, or she used me, or they are destroying the world, or I'm sabotaging myself, I topple. I fall in a heap of distracting thoughts and feelings, and lose focus on the goal.
My goal is to keep my eyes on Jesus, who tells us again and again in the gospels, "Judge not, lest you be judged."
God, help me to remember the difference between discernment and judgement. Never let me mistake one for the other.
Jesus taught every person is as important and valuable as those considered important and valuable by society. What is God saying to you through this teaching today?
I think God is teaching me true community does not exist when even one person is excluded
Several situations in my life have helped to drive this message home.
- Caring for my aging mother has taught me the elderly deserve respect and understanding.
- Worshiping in an integrated parish reminds me to love regardless of background.
- Living across the street from a L'Arche community helps me to experience the uniquely pure love of people with disabilities.
- Finally, marriage is a mirror that constantly drives home I am weak and needy when I want to appear strong and capable.
That last one is especially important. Most people think marriage is where you learn to love another unconditionally. That's true. But it's also where you learn to allow yourself to be loved unconditionally.
Thank you, God, that life will teach me what I need to learn if I let it. My life is richer than it could ever be if I sheltered myself from the challenges of true community.
Jesus said, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven." What is one practical way you can live this teaching in the coming week?
I don't know who was the first to say it, but in this chapter Matthew Kelly reminds me of one of my favorite memes:
But, I've been wondering. Could I love things AND people at the same time? The reason I ask is that I know the one practical thing I could do this week is to put down my phone (with which I'm playing Words With Friends) or close my book every night at bedtime and listen--really listen--while John tells me about his day. I would definitely love a pass on that. I would love to believe listening to John share his day while in a state of total distraction is OK.
Unfortunately, by the end of the day, I have a little too much in common with Linus when he said, "I love mankind. It's people I can't stand." Just leave me alone and let me read my book.
Now, in my defense, I will offer up that I'm an introvert, and bedtime is about the only time I get all day to recharge. Nonetheless, perhaps a little self-reflection on my use of technology is in order. I don't think there is anything wrong with using technology--even to relax--but when it gets in the way of relationships, or is a substitute for them, I know I'm relying on something that will be rusty and moth-eaten, and will leave me feeling empty in the long run.
I am amazed by how much technology is used at the wrong times and in the wrong places. I still recall the day I saw a woman take a phone call during mass, just after receiving communion. No, I don't think it was God calling. But I do hope I'm listening when he does.
Dear God, show me something practical I can do today that will help me detach from the many distractions that disconnect me from hearing your call.
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