Comfort, Questions, Joy and the Big Lie

Chapter 33: Comfortably Comfortable

Pink Floyd had a song back around 1980 called "Comfortably Numb." It was on an album called "The Wall" that was about a psychological retreat from reality and the pain it brings. In "Comfortably Numb," the singer slips gradually into a state of unfeeling. "You are receding," the lyrics go. "You lips move, but I can't hear what you're saying." And the refrain: "I have become comfortably numb."

Have you ever wished you could just let go of the world and all the stress, the pain, the agony and expectations? Just slip into a cocoon for awhile? Surely we all have at one time or another.

At the very least, we like to get comfortable. As much as we can arrange for it. We see advertising touting comfort. Everything from shoes to cars to homes and furniture, it's all about comfort. We talk about our "comfort zones" and how we should occasionally step outside of those areas in which we feel at ease -- perhaps physical zones, but perhaps in terms of taking on new projects, learning new skills, trying new experiences, reaching out to people we may not feel particularly comfortable with? Yes, that.

Then comes a question: Is comfort good for us? Remember the "if it feels good, do it" 1980s? And today, we have televangelists (still) who preach what is sometimes called "The Gospel of Prosperity." You know what I mean, the ones who tell you if you just make one more donation to their organization, that God will finally bestow  on you the blessings He wants to give you? The ones who say you can tell whether you are "right with God" by how well off and comfortable you are. New car, fancy house, great job with a fat bank account? You must be doing something right, they say.

What does Jesus have to say about comfort? Turns out he didn't say much about comfort at all. He did have a lot to say about getting uncomfortable, about denying ourselves. Not a popular concept, not even today. When I say something about self-denial to people, I inevitably get this strange look. "Why would you want to do that?" they ask.

Well, that's because we aren't really supposed to get comfortable on this Earth. Comfort is a relative thing, and it's a word that has many meanings. But generally, Jesus wanted people to get outside their comfort zones, as we would say today. To try things that stretched their sensibilities. Like dining with sinneres, or going out on a mission to spread his message in places where the people might not be so friendly, or believing they, too, could walk on water or know what to say without preparing themselves ahead of time.

The author of "Rediscover Jesus" says we are not supposed to get comfortable here on Earth because we are just passing through. We are here for just a short time, in the big scheme of things. That's n ot morbid, it's just the way it is.

And self-denial, he points out, is a great life skill. It's the only way to have a successful marriage, successful friendships and other relationships, to succeed at work, to be a good parent, to manage your personal finances. All by delaying gratification -- ie self-denial.

You can start small and build up. There's a cumulative effect. It helps us cut to the chase and opens us to the grace we need to overcome sinfulness and power through adversity.

Point to ponder: Being too comfortable, too often, makes us weak in mind, body and spirit.

Verse: "If anyone wishes to come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross, and follow me." Matthew 16:24

What is one way you can deny yourself today:

That's a question you can ask of yourself every day. Perhaps every hour.

I can deny myself snacks I don't need -- but not nourishment my body needs.

I can say no to wasting time.

And I can deny myself by saying "yes" to something I don't really want to do. Like doing one more load of laundry, or getting the dishes out of the way immediately after dinner.

I can deny myself by jumping out of bed and showering before I drink my coffee, when I"d much rather sit in bed and read while I drink my coffee.

I can deny myself (or delay gratification) by staying away from stores where I'm tempted to buy things I don't really need. I can spend a day off organizing household papers and clearing clutter instead of watching a movie or just surfing the web.

See how easy it is? Can you get comfortable outside your own comfort zone?

Chapter 34: Two Wrestling Questions

"You can't always get what you want," sang Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones. "But if you try sometime, you might just find you get what you need." Wise words from a rock and roll star.

The author points out that unless you ask the right questions, you'll never get the right answers. Sort of like "be careful what you pray for." What do you really want out of life?

Do you know? This reminds me of a bookmark I found many years ago. It has a prayer on it about never getting what you ask for, and yet in the end, getting everything you need and finding yourself a man (or woman) most richly blessed because of it.

What do I want? I used to think I wanted a bigger house (never enough room, never enough storage at my house) but now, I think I just want more storage space. And less furniture, less stuff to have to take care of.

I think what I want is more time. More time to spend in nature, more time to sit and read. More time to learn new things. More time to practice what I enjoy most (writing and making music among them). More time to be contemplative, to think, to muse and ponder.

And then there's another whole question: What does God want?
delayed
I have a couple of coffee mugs that I am especially fond of. One is white with blue morning glories swirling around it. It says "A simple life is its own reward." I knew that was special even before I had contemplated what it means. Back when I was still accumulating stuff. It was a gift from a student in a religious ed class I taught, I believe she was one of my fifth-graders. Now I believe that's not only true, but really important. You wouldn't know it by following what I do, though. My life is not yet simplified. But I know where I need to head.

The other has pink rose-like flowers. It has a whole prayer on it that boils down to this: Lord, let me live one day at a time, ... doing your will and not my own (that's paraphrased) with my heart set on eternity.

So what does God really want? The answer is kind of astounding. God wants us to be filled with complete joy. He wants to share his joy with us, completely. And we spend a good part of our lives on Earth rejecting that love, avoiding it, why?

Pink Floyd's lead singer, Roger Waters, left the band and struck out on a solo career. One of the songs he sang as a solo act (well, with his own new band, not Pink Floyd) included this lyric: What God wants, God gets.

Does he? I'm not so sure. If he wants all of us to live lives that will allow us to share in his complete joy, he's not getting everything he wants because we are not a compliant bunch of people.

And it's not that God just withholds this joy until we do as he says. No, it's we who refuse to open ourselves in a way that would allow us to accept that joy. We have filled our hearts with so much hatred, bias, prejudice, selfishness, jealousy, greed, sloth, pride and dishonesty, we are not capable of experiencing God's complete joy. We have to shed all those things, and in order to do that, we have to tune into God's bandwidth, to focus on him and stop being distracted by worldly things.

The funny thing is, none of those things we refuse to let go of bring us any closer to the joy we want. Because we do, right? We want to be filled with God's complete joy, but we look for it in all the wrong places.

Verse: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace." Romans 15:13

Isn't that a beautiful Scripture passage?

Does getting what you want bring you lasting happiness?

There's a loaded question. I would change it, if it was up to me, to say "Does getting what you THINK YOU want bring you lasting happiness.

It's funny, I can remember all the way back to childhood. I would always be sure if I just got one more doll, one more toy, whatever the newest popular toy (as seen on television) happened to be, if I could just have it, I'd be so happy. I'd never want anything else. Ever.

But I quickly learned how each time I got something I wanted (and  it didn't happen every day, believe me), it never lived up to that promise.

I remember begging my father one year when I was a teenager for a $10 pair of jeans that was in the local mall in a popular boutique. I begged for weeks before I finally got them. And  you know what? It was just another pair of pants. Those jeans didn't make me more popular at school, didn't make me feel beautiful or glamorous, nada. Just a pair of pants. I still have those pants, believe it or not. I can still wear them, in fact. But I don't.

And another time, when I was much younger, there was a little tiny plastic doll that I wanted beyond all reasonable wanting. It looked like so much fun on TV when the little children who were actors in the commercials would play with them. I slipped one into my pocket at the grocery store one day, never got caught, and never enjoyed a single minute with it.

But on the other hand, in the years after my husband and I were married, after our two sons arrived on the scene, we decided we wanted to belong to a church. We shopped around, and myself, I hadn't been to a Catholic Mass in a lot of years (since fourth grade, really) and never really considered that it was possible to go back. But no other church we attended did anything for me. Long story short, we attended a funeral for a Catholic member of his family, and we were hooked. I wanted to be Catholic again even more than I had wanted those pants or that toy, and it took us two years to get through all the classes and paperwork and whatnot it took to get there. And this goal, it's meant more to us than just about anything. It has literally changed my life and who I am, all for the better.

So I guess it really is a matter of asking the right questions, asking for the right things.

Chapter 35: Complete Joy

Can we find complete joy in a throwaway, disposable world? Can we be satisfied with a pale shadow of the real deal?

Nah. If we could find lasting happiness, joy and meaning in trinkets and empty promises, we'd all be drowning in joy.

And yet, I've not only experienced for myself but seen and heard others express the same realization: That we all have this empty pit inside that yearns for something that seems unattainable until we find Jesus and get acquainted. We are created for this, and indeed, are hardwired to yearn for God's love.

But there's a catch, sort of. No, God isn't teasing us with something that we have to jump through hoops to get. God just wants us to have it. Same way parents want their children to be happy. But we can't experience it until we are ready. And we aren't ready until we have denied ourselves things that rob us of happiness. Until we give up feeling angry, bitter, jealous, proud, hateful or holding grudges. Until we stop thinking of ourselves all the time and put the needs of others ahead of our own. Until we can develop an attitude of gratitude for what we have instead of resentment over what we don't have but think we need. That's when happiness and joy begin to fill the empty places in our hearts.

Verse: A joyful heart is life itself, and rejoicing lengthens one's life span." Sirach 30:22

What really brings you joy?

Right now, what brings me joy is when I can help someone else feel better, by giving them something as simple as a drink or a meal, a pair of socks or a warm sweater. When I learn something new. People can bring me joy just by being friendly. Kindness brings me joy, whether given or received. And sometimes, yes, comfort brings me a sort of joy. But not an overload of comfort. Just a little bit.

And I love this little prayer the author includes at the end of a tiny chapter:
Jesus, let me get out of the way so you can fill me with complete joy.

Chapter 36: The Biggest Lie

OK, that's an ominous sounding title.

So what is this "biggest lie"? Is it about being persecuted or about hypocrisy among Christians? Is it the damage done by intolerant people (including Christians) who portray Jesus as a dictator, stern and unforgiving? What is it?

The author writes that it's actually something we tell ourselves, that holiness is not possible.

He writes that we believe holiness is possible for our grandmothers or Medieval saints, but not for ourselves. I hadn't ever thought of holiness that way, but OK. I'll keep reading.

I can, however, see his point about this mis-belief sucking the life out of Christians. It's like being denied the prize. Every. Single. Time.

In church around Easter, we sing "Out of Darkness." This song tells us holiness is possible. We are a "holy nation, royal priesthood, walking in God's marvelous light." Sure sounds like holiness to me.

Are we confusing holiness with perfection? Perfection is not possible while we live on this Earth. But holiness? Sure.

In fact, in my various studies with groups of fellow Catholics, we've talked about being holy men and women, we've talked about how the saints were imperfect people just like us. Burt they are holy men and women, and we are too.

When did you stop believing holiness was possible for you?

Well, I don't think I stopped, once I figured out what it meant. It means that even though I both make mistakes and sometimes deliberately do or say things I know are wrong, for whatever reason (usually fear of something), I can still be a holy person by starting over and living my life going forward in a better way. By being more tolerant, more forgiving, more caring. I am my own harshest critic, yet I do try to be one of the "good guys" in my daily life.

I probably did think holiness was impossible for me when I was younger, when I was not anchored in a church, and particularly not in the Catholic Church. I also thought I could never achieve anything else in life, that I was a failure before I get out of the starting gate. I heard lots of people preaching at me, but never heard anything helpful.

And I am grateful now for all the opportunities that did arise for me, and grateful I was able to open the door and take advantage of some of them.

And so whenever I am able to live my beliefs, to touch someone else's life in a positive way, that's a holy moment. I don't talk about my beliefs a lot (except in this blog, or with certain people) but I do try to live my beliefs, to practice what I don't preach. I try to be honest, to be respectful of others, to listen and to be generous with my time and talents and treasures, to feed the hungry and give drink tot he thirsty, to comfort the imprisoned (which I believe involves more than literally being incarcerated) and clothe the naked.

But then there are all the things I fail to do: I don't always reach out when I should, I don't always visit people I should visit. I do get impatient and sometimes I don't want to forgive. I struggle not to be greedy or indifferent, at times. I'm not a saint but I can have my holy moments, when I fulfill in some small way what God wants of me.

The trick is to keep those failings from negating (in my own mind) the good things I do. I say this because if God will forgive me all those failings, if I can convince myself that he really does forgive me, then I owe it to others to try to do the same. Sort of like paying it forward. I went to a church pancake breakfast once, and I was standing in line to pay for my ticket, and when it was my turn at the table, the woman who was selling tickets told me the person in front of me had paid for my meal. I was flabbergasted. I did not know that person who had stood ahead of me in line.

And so the only thing to do was to pay for the person behind me. Pass it along, so to speak. If God forgives me, if he has not given up on me yet, then I owe it to him and to myself to keep trying.

It's been a busy Lent this year, and I am grateful for this obligation to myself and to Rose, to write these reflections down. Because it's likely I would put it off on my own until it was too late. It's now Holy Week, and Easter is imminent, pregnant with all the joy and celebration it promises us on Easter morning.