As Lent 2014 comes to an end and the joy of Easter approaches, our journey has led us to reflect on some of our weaknesses and habits that would be better left behind.
Fear, denial and avoidance are never productive, even when it might seem that way. When we fear failure, or success, we sabotage our own dreams and efforts. When we procrastinate, we put off the inevitable, and prevent ourselves from putting our best effort forward in the rush to just get it done at the last minute. When we please people at the expense of pleasing God, we have gotten off track. Criticizing others is a lame attempt to dispel self-doubt, and negative self-talk convinces us to aim low.
As the apostles were drawn unwittingly into the drama of Christ's passion and crucifixion, they had their moments of self-doubt, of criticizing one another and, at times, themselves. They experienced fear, they denied Christ himself, they got off track and tried to please themselves or make themselves look better in the eyes of humans, forgetting the radical lessons Jesus had taught them in their 3-year journey together.
What did Jesus do? He loved them all anyway. He gently (most of the time) steered them back where they needed to be. He offered them glimpses of his own glory, and God on occasion made the relationship between himself and his son manifest for all who had eyes to see.
He sent his disciples off to preach, telling them not to take anything at all with them, to shake off the dust of places where they were not accepted and keep going. He told them it was OK to accept what they were offered by the people they ministered to, that they were deserving, but also that they should accept what came their way.
Jesus often told his followers not to be afraid, that he would be with them until the end.
Lent is, in my opinion, the most beautiful of liturgical seasons, because of its simplicity, its severity even, but also because it takes us back to basics, to be humble of heart and to reflect on our lives, our actions, our words and on how our actions and words affect those around us. In one more week, we will celebrate Palm Sunday and then, ready or not, be flung headlong into Holy Week, when we will, in our own way, enter into the passion of Christ ourselves before celebrating the joy of Easter, of resurrection and new life.
Without our own journey into the desert of Lent, the joy of Easter would be lost in the busy-ness of everyday life.
Lent reminds us to think of others, to know that as special as we may be, we are given what we have to share with others, and the greatest riches are found in learning to be poor in spirit and to serve one another as members of a community of faith, to reach out and touch one another as we are able.
May the peace of Christ be with you.
Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts
Monday, April 7, 2014
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Who do you try to please?
Are you a people pleaser? What does that mean, anyhow?
Perhaps it's someone who, as they say, "sucks up to the boss." That someone is surely trying to please people, as long as those people have authority of some sort over them.
Do you respect such people? Do you even trust someone who does that?
Perhaps a people pleaser is a "yes man." This is someone who goes along to get along, who always agrees just to be agreeable. Do you know someone like this? Do you ever wonder if he or she has any original thoughts or opinions of his or her own?
Do you respect such a person? Do you trust him? Does her word mean anything at all?
Or maybe a people pleaser is someone who is so insecure, she will go along with whatever you suggest, just so you will like her. Maybe there's no ill will there, just a lack of self worth.
Do you feel sorry for him, or do you blow him off?
What's really wrong with being a people pleaser?
Maybe not much, until you inevitably come face to face with a situation where you must make a choice.
Do I lie and say I'm really happy that he got the job I was hoping to land for myself? Or am I honest about it and say I don't want to talk about it?
Do I help cover up my coworker's dishonesty, do I keep quiet about it until asked, or do I tell my supervisor about it as soon as I find out? In one case, I'm loyal to my coworker but dishonest to the boss; in the other, I lie by omission and in the third, I do what seems to be the most honest thing by letting the boss know? Or am I letting the boss know to please him and make myself look better in his eyes.
The first of the 10 Commandments tells us to love God more than any human being and more than any other thing at all, for that matter. The second tells us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. The rest of them clarify how we are to treat one another: Don't lie, don't steal, don't want what belongs to someone else, honor your parents, don't commit adultery, don't gossip about anyone.
But if you think about it, loving God is the only real commandment there is. That's because it's impossible to love at all without God. You can try to own another person, or you can try to control someone else, or allow yourself to be controlled by someone else, you can be infatuated with someone else in a superficial way.
But it's impossible to love anyone in a truly unconditional way without God, because God IS love. And if you understand that, and you love yourself and others the way God does, the way he has tried to teach us to do, then the rest of it just falls into place. You don't have to worry about pleasing people, because you are pleasing God. And God wants us to treat each other well, with respect and honesty, with caring and in a way that allows us to live with dignity.
When our lives are pleasing to God, the people pleasing comes naturally, and we don't have to think about it or be motivated by that. Instead, we are motivated by a genuine concern for others and their well-being.
And those around us, our family, friends and neighbors, can sense that.
In I Corinthians, Chapter 13, St. Paul tells us:
Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, not pompous, not inflated.
It is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury.
It does not rejoice over wrongdoing, but rejoices with truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
People pleasing is none of those things. It isn't patient, but seeks instant gratification; it may appear kind, but only when rewarded; people pleasers may be quite jealous when spurned; people pleasers can be entirely pompous and self-righteous, with an inflated ego.
People pleasing can be rude and always seeks its own interests. People pleasers can be quick-tempered and hold grudges for a very long time if they do not get what they want.
People pleasers may rejoice in wrongdoing if they see an advantage for themselves in it, and may not rejoice in truth if it doesn't further their personal agendas.
People pleasers may be meek victims seeking self-worth in all the wrong places or arrogant people with inflated egos, but they do not believe all things or bear all things, they may hope for the wrong things and are not likely to endure all things.
And they always fail in the end to get what they are seeking, because they are looking in the wrong places.
You will never please all people, but if you can live your life and conduct your relationships with others in ways that are pleasing to God, you will find peace of mind and experience love in ways you cannot imagine.
And in the process, you may find yourself often pleasing others as you show a genuine interest in them, their lives and their well-being.
Who will you seek to please in your life?
Perhaps it's someone who, as they say, "sucks up to the boss." That someone is surely trying to please people, as long as those people have authority of some sort over them.
Do you respect such people? Do you even trust someone who does that?
Perhaps a people pleaser is a "yes man." This is someone who goes along to get along, who always agrees just to be agreeable. Do you know someone like this? Do you ever wonder if he or she has any original thoughts or opinions of his or her own?
Do you respect such a person? Do you trust him? Does her word mean anything at all?
Or maybe a people pleaser is someone who is so insecure, she will go along with whatever you suggest, just so you will like her. Maybe there's no ill will there, just a lack of self worth.
Do you feel sorry for him, or do you blow him off?
What's really wrong with being a people pleaser?
Maybe not much, until you inevitably come face to face with a situation where you must make a choice.
Do I lie and say I'm really happy that he got the job I was hoping to land for myself? Or am I honest about it and say I don't want to talk about it?
Do I help cover up my coworker's dishonesty, do I keep quiet about it until asked, or do I tell my supervisor about it as soon as I find out? In one case, I'm loyal to my coworker but dishonest to the boss; in the other, I lie by omission and in the third, I do what seems to be the most honest thing by letting the boss know? Or am I letting the boss know to please him and make myself look better in his eyes.
The first of the 10 Commandments tells us to love God more than any human being and more than any other thing at all, for that matter. The second tells us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. The rest of them clarify how we are to treat one another: Don't lie, don't steal, don't want what belongs to someone else, honor your parents, don't commit adultery, don't gossip about anyone.
But if you think about it, loving God is the only real commandment there is. That's because it's impossible to love at all without God. You can try to own another person, or you can try to control someone else, or allow yourself to be controlled by someone else, you can be infatuated with someone else in a superficial way.
But it's impossible to love anyone in a truly unconditional way without God, because God IS love. And if you understand that, and you love yourself and others the way God does, the way he has tried to teach us to do, then the rest of it just falls into place. You don't have to worry about pleasing people, because you are pleasing God. And God wants us to treat each other well, with respect and honesty, with caring and in a way that allows us to live with dignity.
When our lives are pleasing to God, the people pleasing comes naturally, and we don't have to think about it or be motivated by that. Instead, we are motivated by a genuine concern for others and their well-being.
And those around us, our family, friends and neighbors, can sense that.
In I Corinthians, Chapter 13, St. Paul tells us:
Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, not pompous, not inflated.
It is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury.
It does not rejoice over wrongdoing, but rejoices with truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
People pleasing is none of those things. It isn't patient, but seeks instant gratification; it may appear kind, but only when rewarded; people pleasers may be quite jealous when spurned; people pleasers can be entirely pompous and self-righteous, with an inflated ego.
People pleasing can be rude and always seeks its own interests. People pleasers can be quick-tempered and hold grudges for a very long time if they do not get what they want.
People pleasers may rejoice in wrongdoing if they see an advantage for themselves in it, and may not rejoice in truth if it doesn't further their personal agendas.
People pleasers may be meek victims seeking self-worth in all the wrong places or arrogant people with inflated egos, but they do not believe all things or bear all things, they may hope for the wrong things and are not likely to endure all things.
And they always fail in the end to get what they are seeking, because they are looking in the wrong places.
You will never please all people, but if you can live your life and conduct your relationships with others in ways that are pleasing to God, you will find peace of mind and experience love in ways you cannot imagine.
And in the process, you may find yourself often pleasing others as you show a genuine interest in them, their lives and their well-being.
Who will you seek to please in your life?
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Never do today ... wait, that's not right
Procrastination is the fine art of never taking on today what you can put off until tomorrow. I am a master procrastinator. How about you?
The trouble is, deadlines can pile up. Time flies. And once you're on the treadmill of always waiting until the last minute, well, it's hard to step off.
Scripture tells us not to worry about tomorrow, but that should not be taken as permission to procrastinate all the time. Why? Because Scripture also tells us that we should avoid anxiety and stress, and while procrastinating might seem like a good idea at the time, it leads to terrible anxiety as the deadline approaches, or worse, as several deadlines loom and seem to collide while you scramble to meet them all.
Procrastinating is not only a source of anxiety, it robs us of pleasure and the ability to think clearly.
When is that report due? Tomorrow? Uh-oh, no, it's due in a couple of hours, and I haven't even started writing it yet. And as I begin writing it, I realize that I need to get some information from someone else, and I have to get it now. Which means putting some pressure on someone else, who is either busy or unreachable in time to meet the deadline. And ultimately leads to hard feelings all around when it could be avoided by employing a little self-discipline and starting early enough to get it done.
Leaving for an appointment without allowing adequate time can lead to aggressive driving and other bad things, like road rage or a traffic citation for driving too fast, or worse, an accident. Again, all could be avoided by leaving five minutes earlier.
Procrastination can also lead to internal anxiety that affects your health, things like high blood pressure and sustained stress levels that weaken the immune system. Why create an unhealthy situation? Our bodies were not meant to live in a perpetual fight-or-flight state.
Most of all, procrastination can lead to an inability to find peace of mind, relaxation or quiet time. It's not the only thing that can rob us of the opportunity to regenerate spiritually and physically, but why abuse yourself this way?
That's a question I frequently ask myself, unfortunately. As I said, I am a master at procrastination, and it's not something I'm proud of.
God wants to give us peace of mind -- he wants to give YOU peace of mind, and ME peace of mind. But when we procrastinate, we rob ourselves of the chance to complete a task or fulfill an obligation on time, we often find that we don't do the best possible job in the end because we're rushing or feeling panicky, and we also give up the opportunity to get the most benefit from our actions. We may also affect the peace of mind of others who are affected by our inaction.
So don't do what I have done, do as I say ... wait, that's backward, but in this case, it's more a matter of learning from my mistakes.
Yes, I procrastinated and am writing this blog entry at the last possible moment. Almost. I could have waited until the 11th hour, but instead I've put it off until the morning before. Which is an improvement.
Give yourself and others a blessing by starting your tasks or trips early enough to avoid the problems that can arise from procrastination. If you are looking for a bad habit to give up for Lent and forever, this is a great one to tackle.
Not only will you find a little bit of Earthly peace of mind, you will also be better able to spend time with God, because you won't be living in a state of panic over everything.
Peace
Susan
The trouble is, deadlines can pile up. Time flies. And once you're on the treadmill of always waiting until the last minute, well, it's hard to step off.
Scripture tells us not to worry about tomorrow, but that should not be taken as permission to procrastinate all the time. Why? Because Scripture also tells us that we should avoid anxiety and stress, and while procrastinating might seem like a good idea at the time, it leads to terrible anxiety as the deadline approaches, or worse, as several deadlines loom and seem to collide while you scramble to meet them all.
Procrastinating is not only a source of anxiety, it robs us of pleasure and the ability to think clearly.
When is that report due? Tomorrow? Uh-oh, no, it's due in a couple of hours, and I haven't even started writing it yet. And as I begin writing it, I realize that I need to get some information from someone else, and I have to get it now. Which means putting some pressure on someone else, who is either busy or unreachable in time to meet the deadline. And ultimately leads to hard feelings all around when it could be avoided by employing a little self-discipline and starting early enough to get it done.
Leaving for an appointment without allowing adequate time can lead to aggressive driving and other bad things, like road rage or a traffic citation for driving too fast, or worse, an accident. Again, all could be avoided by leaving five minutes earlier.
Procrastination can also lead to internal anxiety that affects your health, things like high blood pressure and sustained stress levels that weaken the immune system. Why create an unhealthy situation? Our bodies were not meant to live in a perpetual fight-or-flight state.
Most of all, procrastination can lead to an inability to find peace of mind, relaxation or quiet time. It's not the only thing that can rob us of the opportunity to regenerate spiritually and physically, but why abuse yourself this way?
That's a question I frequently ask myself, unfortunately. As I said, I am a master at procrastination, and it's not something I'm proud of.
God wants to give us peace of mind -- he wants to give YOU peace of mind, and ME peace of mind. But when we procrastinate, we rob ourselves of the chance to complete a task or fulfill an obligation on time, we often find that we don't do the best possible job in the end because we're rushing or feeling panicky, and we also give up the opportunity to get the most benefit from our actions. We may also affect the peace of mind of others who are affected by our inaction.
So don't do what I have done, do as I say ... wait, that's backward, but in this case, it's more a matter of learning from my mistakes.
Yes, I procrastinated and am writing this blog entry at the last possible moment. Almost. I could have waited until the 11th hour, but instead I've put it off until the morning before. Which is an improvement.
Give yourself and others a blessing by starting your tasks or trips early enough to avoid the problems that can arise from procrastination. If you are looking for a bad habit to give up for Lent and forever, this is a great one to tackle.
Not only will you find a little bit of Earthly peace of mind, you will also be better able to spend time with God, because you won't be living in a state of panic over everything.
Peace
Susan
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