- One, finding the time to write two blogs a week in which I entered into self examination and self reflection regarding eight different topics. Let's see if I can remember them from heart. Negative thinking, criticism, procrastination, fear of success, fear of failure. Well, five out of eight isn't too bad. Upon a little research, I discover the other three to be negative self-talk, people pleasing, and self-doubt.
- Two, living with the fact that very few people will ever read my blogs. A trial sore to the ego.
Which reminds me of a story, a true story at that, and also a short one. One morning, when I was sixteen, I woke up from a dead sleep and burst into tears. Just burst into tears. I was not rocked by a dream, or some dread worry facing me that day. I was rocked by a notion. That notion was the possibility I may not live forever.
It wasn't long afterwards that I made a life-changing commitment to Jesus Christ, one night under a starry sky while sitting in a parking lot just a few blocks from the Atlantic Ocean. In an instant it was as if my heart broke open and the entire ocean rushed in, washing away completely any doubt I would not only live forever, but in a sea of joy, love, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and everlasting divine adventure.
I was seventeen and seven days. A week later, I left for college, sailing off into an unknown future that was full of hope. My faith was so absolute, so strong, so pure, so certain. I knew that I knew that I knew that I knew Jesus Christ, Son of God, was risen from the dead, and was now risen in me. No doubt. Not then, not now.
Not that I haven't doubted God in between now and then, or been unfaithful to my commitment. In fact, over the years, I have prayed to many gods. But only One has answered. That is why I observe Lent. My goal is not to indulge my need for perfection, but to enlarge my heart. Not that I'll ever be able to contain the entire ocean. But I plan on spending an eternity trying.
Pax et Bonum,
Rose
Pax et Bonum,
Rose
