Ash Wednesday always seems to catch me off-guard, no matter how much I've thought about it and regardless of what I see on the calendar. It's like waiting in line to ride a roller coaster, and Ash Wednesday is when you step off the terminal and strap yourself into the seat. Suddenly you're full into Lent and you can't get off until the ride is over, which of course happens on Palm Sunday and Holy Week, culminating with Easter celebrations. So you've thought about what to give up for Lent? What might that be? The most popular answer seems to be chocolate. It's the fallback thing to give up when you haven't really thought much about it. It's trendy, it's traditional, it's the easy answer.I love chocolate as much as the next person, but I try to come up with something to do for Lent that is more spiritually rewarding than lusting after chocolate for six weeks. So what do you love as much as chocolate (well, almost) that would become meaningful for the next month and a half? How about giving up some of your bad habits, the ones that you hold nearest and dearest? One year I gave up road rage, and surprisingly, it stuck, sort of. I am much calmer now when I drive, and I don't call other drivers nasty names under my breath anymore. I do tense up sometimes, or bang my arm on the steering wheel, but basically, I've let it go, and when I forget, it's much easier to say, "Self, you gain nothing by getting all in a lather over what that driver is doing. Chill." Another year I decided to give up grudges. That's still a work in progress. But at least I am trying.This year, a meme was going around on Facebook that was a list of things to stop doing, and unlike most memes, it contained some worthwhile suggestions. In fact, all were items most of us would be hard-pressed to let go of, but doing so would most likely bring all of us a measure of inner peace and goodwill toward others.So this Lent, I am going to try to give up a whole list of bad habits, and Rose and I will be reflecting on a couple of them each week. It will be interesting to see how we each approach the topics. Full disclosure: We are NOT reading each other's posts before they're published. We will each write about every topic, but we're not collaborating. We will see one another's answers only after we've both written on the topic, and we won't be changing our posts in response.
Topic No. 1 Doubting Yourself
This bad habit can undermine the best-laid plans of humanity. Am I good enough? What if make a fool of myself?What if other people know more about it than I do?What if my skills fall short?What if I'm the only one wearing jeans (or a little black dress) to the party?What if ... you fill in the blank.What has this to do with spirituality, faith and Lent?According to Matthew, 22:35-39, this conversation took place between the Pharisees and Jesus:“Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?”(Jesus) said to him, “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind."This is the greatest and the first commandment."The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself."
If you doubt your worthiness, then how do you love yourself? Is it a conditional love, as in "I love myself but only if I bowl a 200 game, only if I meet every deadline in my life, only if I never give in to temptation, only if I never get angry with my spouse, only if I never sing off-key, only if I am always appropriately dressed for the occasion, only if (you fill in the blank)?
If we are to love others as we love ourselves, do we only love others when they are worthy in every way, when they look good, are in a good mood, say yes when asked to do something, arrive on time, finish the job, meet every expectation? If we hold ourselves to such high standards for love-ability, and if we love others as we love ourselves, well, that's just setting ourselves up for failure. Every time. And setting up our friends and loved ones for failure.
Oddly, I heard a beautiful quote at a presentation I attended last night by an alternative farmer and author of eight (nine?) books on the importance of farming and caring for the Earth. He did not invoke religion at all, but he said this (and it seems relevant to me):
You may have been told by a parent, grandparent or teacher, if it's worth doing, it's worth doing right. But I say if it's worth doing, it's worth doing wrong the first time.
That's right. Because how do we grow and learn if we do everything perfectly the first time and every time? That means staying well inside your comfort zone. But growth requires risk-taking, and that includes spiritual growth, too. You have to establish a comfort zone, and then you absolutely must step outside of it if you are going to grow in your faith.
This Lent, consider giving up the habit of doubting yourself. It's a real feeling, so acknowledge it, then move past it and take some risks. You forgot your spouse's birthday? Oops. Make up for it, write it down for next year and move along. You missed an appointment? Reschedule, and don't miss it again. You didn't see the "casual attire" on the invitation and showed up in a suit or dress and heels? Just laugh it off. And pay attention next time.
We all fail, we all forget, we all make mistakes or misunderstand. Instead of doubting yourself, forgive yourself and do what you can to avoid repeating it. And love others in the same way by forgiving them when they fall short of expectations.
May the peace of Christ be with you.
Susan
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