Are You ANTsy Like Me?

The other day I was sitting on the couch with my husband John, reading a book.  He was, I thought, doing the same.  Suddenly, from his direction, I hear him say, "uh-huh."  I glance over to see he is nodding.  Just then, he gives a thumbs-up sign.  "John, who are you talking to over there," I ask. He responds, naturally, "Myself."

Talking to ourselves is natural.  We do it all the time, although not usually in a manner that others will notice.  I suppose, however, in the comfort of your own home you might not mind engaging in a more animated conversation with yourself.   That's certainly the case with John.  He debates politics with himself, problem solves plumbing problems and such out loud, chuckles at punchlines to private jokes, amazes himself with some inner revelation with an emphatic "Wow!"

I've grown used to these disconcerting one-sided dialogues, and comforted by the fact he swears he is only talking to himself!  Also, I've noticed, his thoughts are mostly positive.

Unlike me.  According to research we have about 50,000 thoughts a day.  Most of these are automatic.  Most of mine are negative.   They scurry around in my brain like an industrious colony of ants carrying little crumbs of misinformation I too often mistake as the truth.  You might say I suffer from ANTs:  Automatic Negative Thought syndrome.

Not that I don't have good reasons for bad thoughts, what with my background.  But what I've learned over the years is that "the war for a positive mind is fought on the battlefield of focus."  It's up to me to choose where I'll put my focus.  Will I put it on the ants?  Or will I put it on the truth?

Pilate asked Jesus once, "What is truth?"  Not realizing, I suppose, he was actually talking to the Truth.  Because truth is not an "it."  It's a living reality.  A warm, loving reality that wishes to befriend us, to walk by our sides, and encourage us.  If I talked to Jesus the way I talk to myself sometimes, I don't think I'd be his friend for long.  But he is my friend.  He only has words of comfort and encouragement for me.

You know, just to clarify...John doesn't only to himself.  He talks to me, too.  In fact, John has talked me out of the ant colony more than a few times during the course of our marriage.   Once, when going through a particularly pernicious depression, he had me read Norman Vincent Peale pamphlets every day.  Which, you know, is a grueling task when you're depressed.  But I stuck with it.  I knew I was turning the corner when I joked one day, "John, I must be the most positive thinking major depressive in America!"

Fortunately, that ant colony in my brain is only the fraction of the size it used to be.  I am grateful, indeed, for the pest controllers God has put in my life to help me get rid of them:  John, Norman Vincent Peale, the Bible, my friends.  And, of course, my best friend...Jesus.  Without him, I don't know where I'd be today.  Probably buried in an anthill!

Pax et Bonum,
Rose