Who's that you're criticizing?

People sure can get on your nerves sometimes, can't they? They ask stupid questions, have dumb ideas, do the most incredibly irritating things. And guess what? Other people think YOU ask stupid questions, have dumb ideas and do the most incredibly irritating things.

That's all normal stuff. Human stuff. You may not want to admit it sometimes, but these things happen. We get annoyed, irritated, even angry.

Here's something that gets to me, though: people who start telling you what other people intend, or why they think a certain way, or what their "secret" agenda is.

I am also annoyed by people who toss about generalities as if they applied to everyone the same way. You've heard it, and you're likely to hear it a lot this year, an election year: He's a Democrat, so he believes government should control every aspect of our lives. OR She's a Republican, so she is heartless and wants to take food out of the mouths of hungry poor children so the wealthy elite can have a little bit more to play around with.

We can never really know what someone else is thinking or intends to accomplish, at least, not beyond what they tell you. It's like that old smoking gun scenario: You happen upon Person A, who is leaning over Person B who is lying in a pool of blood. Person A is holding a smoking gun in his hand.

You know the drill. Did Person A just shoot Person B and kill him, or did he arrive on the scene moments before you did, and without thinking of consequences, pick up that gun to see if it had just been fired?

To criticize is to judge, to weigh the pros and cons and make an assessment, most often with a negative outcome. The word criticize rarely shows up in Scripture, perhaps because the word didn't exist until the mid-1600s. according to Webster's online.

Occasionally we hear that "the critics" loved a film or show, but most often it means the opposite, that problems were found, that it doesn't make the grade, isn't good enough.

But the word judge (the verb) does appear in Scripture, quite a lot as a matter of fact. And like criticize, it is mostly negative. We are warned not to judge others lest God judge us as harshly. We are told that only God can judge fairly, because he can see what is in our hearts, but we can only see what is on the outside.

When you think about it, it's pretty easy to see why judging others is not a great idea. We truly do not know what is in anyone else's heart. And we don't know all of the factors that go into what we see from the outside looking in.

But we are often our own harshest critics, and we have a much better idea what is in our own hearts, what we are feeling and what has been done to us. And while we all want mercy, or think we want mercy, from God and our friends, family members and colleagues, sometimes one of the hardest things to do is actually accept their mercy.

What gets in the way of accepting sincerely offered mercy? Pride, perhaps, as in the inability to accept anything from someone else (that old American rugged individualism). But perhaps it's something else. Maybe we do not feel worthy of what is being offered.

Criticizing others makes us feel better about ourselves because if we point out a particular fault in someone else, the implication is that we ourselves do not suffer from that weakness or transgression. Ergo, if we point out that someone else gossips all the time, why, people will realize that we do not ourselves gossip.

Wrong.

Before we can make anything right, we must recognize the problem.

During Lent, we hear a lot about sin and penance. But we also hear a lot about mercy, God's infinite mercy.

We all sin, every one of us. But if we repent, if we recognize that sin and are determined not to repeat it, we are forgiven. By God.

If God can forgive us, ask us to move on and leave that particular fault or sin behind, who are we to continue carrying it with us, allowing it to weigh us down, prevent us from becoming something we are intended to be?

If we constantly criticize whatever others do, are we really criticizing them, or are we covering up our own sense of inadequacy?

Judge not, lest ye also be so judged. And that could also mean criticize not, lest ye also be so criticized.

If we are to love others as we love ourselves, hadn't we better learn to love ourselves first?

Stop picking on yourself. Stop talking to yourself in negative, defensive or judgmental terms.

It helps a lot if you think about how Scripture tells us, in many ways and with many references througout the Bible, that as God the father as loved us, so we should love each other. And then Jesus clarified the commandments by explaining that the greatest commandment is twofold: Love God first, and love one another as you love yourself.

Self-love is a term often used in a negative way, too. It is used in reference to greed, self-centeredness and taking what we want without a thought for anyone else. Yet Jesus clearly said that we should love others AS WE LOVE OURSELVES. If you don't love yourself, how are you going to love others? Or God, for that matter.

Ask God to help you to stop criticizing yourself, and you may find that you are more forgiving of others, that you are less criticial of those around you and more willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Giving up criticism of self and others for Lent is a good exercise that can make your life more fruitful in many and sometimes unexpected ways.

Peace
Susan