If at first you succeed ...

You/ve heard the old saying, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again."

But what if you do succeed?

Now that's a scary thought.

Fear of failure can paralyze you, hold you back, make you look for excuses to avoid taking risks.

But fear of success? Isn't that the ultimate excuse to celebrate?

A few years ago I was urged by a number of people to apply for a job that had come open. So I did. I got called in for an interview. That was exciting. But as the interview grew closer, I grew anxious. I thought about the job itself, an attractive one. I thought about what I would do if I got hired, and I started to feel depressed at the thought of leaving my current job, even though it wasn't particularly enjoyable at the time.

I started making lists, and realized I was looking for reasons to stay put.

I did not interview well. I wasn't exactly nervous, but I was definitely feeling conflicted, and it showed. I wasn't sure I really wanted the job.

Needless to say, I didn't get the job. I was afraid of success, but why?

Stepping outside my comfort zone, for one thing. That's a little scary.

I'm pretty sure I could have handled the job, in retrospect, and I probably would have thoroughly enjoyed it. In all likelihood, I'll never know for sure.

Fear of success held me back. It's a little like fear of failure. Probably shares roots with it: a sense of inadequacy, inablity, maybe pride (wouldn't want people to find out I'd failed at something).

But while fear of failure is a reasonable attempt to avoid something unpleasant, fear of success is more an attempt to elude something good. Because ... I don't deserve it? I don't know what I'm doing and someone might find out? Or maybe the real reason is that if I succeed, people will expect a next step. More responsibility, maybe another promotion, something else will be expected of me and eventually, I won't be able to deliver. Better to fail at this level than to be on the spot later.

Spiritually, we can fear success too. It's tempting to look at what we have to lose rather than what we stand to gain when contemplating a change.

If I want to get to heaven, I won't be able to keep gossiping about other people. I know it's wrong to gossip, but it's fun, darn it. I'm pretty comfortable with it. And I'll have to stop blaming others for my own misbehavior, and I'll have to admit I made a mistake all by myself. And I'll have to stop taking the extra sugar packets with me when I leave a restaurant.

Yep, that's right. If I succeed in achieving small and large goals in my journey of faith, I'll have to give up some questionable or downright wrong behaviors, and take responsibility for my errors.

In a word, I will have to step outside my comfort zone, and now that I think about it, it's possible that fear of success is really fear of stepping outside the comfort zone. In fact, that fear probably explains a lot of behavior that otherwise seems downright irrational. .

If I succeed, I will have to change, and that's scary.

But what do I stand to gain by doing that? Peace of mind? New friends? New experiences?

That doesn't sound so scary.

I was a painfully shy child, scared at every turn that I would be rejected, laughed at, talked about, or ignored. That fear kept me from doing a lot of things as a younger person that I wish I had done.

But I've changed and I'm not afraid to step outside my comfort zone occasionally. Oh, sometimes I'm still scared, but the more I reach out, the less I am afraid.

Unfortunately, that comfort zone is sometimes failure. We're used to it -- old friends, even. We know what it feels like to fail, to miss the mark, close but no cigar. Success, though? That's a stranger. Might be a little uncomfortable.

Our faith journey, which lasts as long as we are alive, is similar. People of faith and conviction have often been targets for ridicule, snickering or nasty remarks. Sad, but true.

There is another old saying: "It's better to stay with the devil you know."

Not always, though.

Instead of looking for reasons to fail, fearing success because it's something new and different, maybe even uncomfortable, it's time to set that fear aside.

Be not afraid, Jesus told his disciples (and us), I will be right there with you every step of the way.

Take it one step at a time, know that you are not alone, and get acquainted with success.