The aftermath

It felt as if we did Christmas twice this year, the family gathering part, anyhow. Maybe that's because we DID do it twice. Twice blessed.
But never were we all together at once this year. I used to like having everyone over at the same time. It was exhausting, and the house was way too full, but in a good way. We would have Laura and Kim, and their respective spouses, and Dylan, Joey and Donny, and Courtney and Greg, and sometimes one or more of their friends. And of course Todd and Chad, and sometimes one or more of their friends. And occasionally one of Kim's friends would show up. We'd have up to 16 or 18 people here, many generations and many individuals sharing all sorts of memories, laughing and bickering, coming and going.
This year, on Christmas Day we had Kim and Gary, and Courtney and Craig, and of course Todd was around. Chad stopped by on his way to work later in the evening. Today we had Laura and Dave, and Donny, and Joey.
And Todd was here,  but sleeping most of the time. It was nonetheless wonderful to see everyone. I would love to have them all come at the same time, sooner or later, or as many as possible.
Because when kids grow up, they have work schedules, they get too busy to come by, they can't all make it at the same time. But here's the thing. Disruptions and stress aside, as a child I always wanted to have a home that people were welcome to come and hang out at. It didn't happen. I tried to make my household more the way I wanted, and in some respects I succeeded.
I hope that my kids and grandkids will always have good memories of holidays here, and that they will keep coming back to visit on holidays, as they are able. Even though I am too busy to just be here whenever, the holidays are still for family gatherings as well as worship with our church family.
Tomorrow it's back to work, but not quite back to normal yet. That will come soon enough. Now I can bask a little in the afterglow of the Christmas gatherings.

Christmas Day 2011 is waning. I spent most of Christmas Eve at church, a most satisfying way to spend Christmas Eve. I played with my son and another young woman as a trio at his church, a Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, I unfortunately had to run from there to my church so I could play violin at the 8 p.m. Mass, so I didn't have an opportunity to hang out at there and talk to people. Then I rang handbells before the 10 p.m. Mass.
Last week I read an entry in Joy In This Journey, an evangelical Christian blog by a young woman named Joy. The entry is called "When I Sing Those Songs, I Lie to God." She had an interesting take on hymn singing. She said she feels like she's lying to God when she sings many of the hymns, so she often chooses not to sing them, because it seems hypocritical if she is not living what the hymn says.
I have been thinking about that. I disagree, respectfully.
I find that singing hymns in church is no different than praying. Song is prayer. Even if I haven't made God the center of my life every minute, when I sing those words, I feel it, I mean it and I think God knows I mean it. I can't always live up to it. I am a sinner and an imperfect human being. But singing those words (or whatever words are in any hymn we sing) helps me renew my determination to do better. It commits me to trying. And to me, it carries more weight than simply saying the words.
I have never chosen NOT to sing a hymn because I felt I hadn't lived up to them. I choose to sing them because I WANT to live them.