The rest of the Serenity Prayer

Lord, grant me:
The serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change things I can

And here's the kicker: And the wisdom to know the difference.
So how do I know the difference? Because knowing the difference is really the key to this whole thing. If I know I cannot change something, I could still choose to not accept that inability, but at least I would know. And I could know that I have the ability to make a difference, but choose not to, for fear or weakness or apathy or whatever reason.
But if I do not know the difference, I will keep trying in vain to change something that I do not have the power to change, and I will make no effort to change something I could change, because I might feel overwhelmed, or lack self-confidence, or believe myself to be powerless.
Knowing the difference makes all the difference.
Here are some things I should learn to accept.
I cannot control the actions, behavior or attitude of others. I can influence them, I can love them, I can help them and I can petition them to change. But at the end of the day, I cannot control their decisions.
I cannot change who people are or how they react to me. I can learn how they react, and change my own behavior accordingly, but I cannot change their fundamental personality.
I cannot make decisions for others. I can choose to support them regardless of the decisions they make, but I cannot make their choices, and I will not have to live with the consequences of their choices, not in the way that they will live with them.
I cannot order God to do things my way. I can ask and plead: I really want that new job. I wish I could afford to buy new carpet and paint for my house. I want my loved ones to be happy and healthy. Please let me catch that next light green so I won't be late to the appointment that I didn't allow myself enough time to get to. I don't want to get sick like the person who sits in the desk next to me. I'm not ready to die, and I can't cope with any more tragedy in my life right now. Those are all things we tell God not to visit on us. But I cannot force God to grant any of my desires. Rather, I should ask God for what I need to cope with whatever comes my way. Show me how to love others. Teach me how to make the most of the talents you gave me.
So these are the things I can control:
I can control my own behavior.
I can choose to use my talents and treasure in ways that will benefit others (and myself).
In prayer, I can ask God to grant me whatever I need to accomplish what I am supposed to achieve.
I can pray for wisdom, for understanding, for patience, for courage, serenity and good will toward others.
Lord, grant me the wisdom to know the difference between what I must accept and what I can change, then grant me the courage to change what I can change and the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
This prayer makes as much sense backward as it does forward.
Next time, I have another interesting prayer to reflect upon.

Lent and The Serenity Prayer

So far my Lent has been pretty crazy, but not entirely in a bad way. Spent Wednesday figuring out something to do about Lent to make it productive and special, after coming home from church with obligatory ashes on forehead. Then Thursday, I worked and practiced handbells. Friday was a 13-hour workday. Saturday was all about my violin solo with the handbell festival in Ocean City. Today, Sunday, I attended 8 a.m. Mass and we left Salisbury at 10 a.m  to head for Newark and the Rite of Election and Call to Continuing Conversion. Got home in time to eat (20-minute window) and then back out to SSO rehearsal.
However, I am going to spend time for the next 6 weeks or so examining The Serenity Prayer. I will begin tonight.
Disclaimer: I am writing my own thoughts about the words and implications of The Serenity Prayer. I am not an authority or theologian, just an ordinary person.

Lord, grant me ...

The prayer begins with these three words. Simple enough beginning, right? Maybe not.
It's a petition to God, first and foremost. I am asking God for help with some issues I am having in this life. We do tend to turn to God when we are in trouble. Like the hymn we sang today in Newark:

Be with me Lord, when I am in trouble. Be with me Lord, I pray. 

So it's an admission that I need something, I can't do this for myself. It's not something I can provide for myself, not something I can earn or purchase. I am needy and only God can give me what I need.
It's also a clear admission that God plays an important role. It's interesting that 12-step programs have adopted this prayer as their own, considering that they are supposed to be secular, non-religious organizations.
But the rest of the prayer, that's where we learn that this prayer is not like much of what we tend to do in prayer (at least, I do), which is to tell God what we want, what's important and to give it to us now. You know, like "Dear God, please help me pass this test today, so I can get an A in class." Or "Dear Lord, I really want this job, and heave knows we need the money. So please, Lord, make sure I'm the one who gets hired." Or  "My son's team needs to win today, so grant them this victory." Or whatever. Our agenda, our wants, gimme gimme.
No, The Serenity Prayer suggests that there are some things we cannot control, and we just need to adapt. And there are other things that we can control, but would rather not make the effort or take the risk.

"Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change." 

I can't control how other drivers on the highway are acting. All I can do is control my own thoughts, words and actions. I can think about what a jerk the guy who just cut me off in traffic is, or I can just take a deep breath and forget it. Or I could even say a quick prayer for him: Lord, please don't let anything this guy does in his car today harm anyone, himself or others.
I can't control what my family does, nor can I control how the supermarket checker speaks to me. I can't make everyone be nice, or polite or considerate.But I can be all of those things myself, if I so choose, and if I ask God to help me behave well.

"The courage to change the things I can."

Yeah, we all want to change the world, don't we? But sometimes we need to change something about ourselves, and we don't always want to. We like our bad habits, our crutches and yes, our anger and bitterness. Sometimes we need to speak out publicly about injustice or wrong thinking. We don't necessarily need to be "preachy" about it, but some things need to be said or done. We can't stop people from littering the roadside, but we can go out and clean it up, bag up the trash and take it to the dump or somewhere to be disposed of. We maybe shouldn't hand out cash freely to beggars, but we can donate to community organizations that work with them to help them get back on their feet.

And the kicker: "And the wisdom to know the difference." 

I'll save that for another day.
It's late and I must get some rest.